A Story About Radical Self Acceptance and Building an Inclusive World

Radical self acceptance.

That’s me 😊👆🏻

You can’t tell I have a different-ability can you?

It’s true! I’m socially impaired.

If you couldn’t tell, it’s because I have WORKED REALLY HARD and incredibly persistently my entire life.

I’m also gifted but you can only see that if you pay attention, watch closely and seek to understand 😇.

The people who do see, now those are special connections.

We look normal, so people have the same expectations for us as everyone else, but that doesn’t usually work very well.

It often leaves everyone upset, but mostly us with being constantly rejected and left behind. Yes. It’s constant. It’s the most constant aspect of our lives.

Our scars go deep versus a neurotypical who usually moves on quickly and often has at least a handful of friends to turn to after an unpleasant experience.

Versus us, who likely don’t have many friends and are left to console alone.

Part of our difference to a neurotypical is our extreme sensitivity. Our hurts hurt big and they often leave scars. We need the most love out of any kind of person yet often receive the least.

We are usually the least loveable & least loved type of people.

Yet we are often the most loving and the most committed to the people in our lives.

This is where my affinity of love for difference comes from and why I sought to become a special needs teacher.

I never wanted any child to feel alone and unloveable as I did. I wanted them to have at least one place where they could know unconditional love and acceptance. That I see past their behaviour and that I see the person inside.

This means that I have a beautiful life because I have the gift of seeing beauty in everything- even in pain.

Even in anger.

That’s why most people particularly who are disturbed, trust and open up to me. They notice there is “something about me”... and it’s just this.

I see past their behaviour. I see it as an expression and a kind of language that is expressing a need and is easily understood by me. It’s like traffic signs informing me of where to go.

They feel calm, and sometimes its for the first time….. SOMETIMES THE FIRST TIME…. I know, isn’t that sad?

We have such little patience for difference and rejection is the main ingredient for those who are diverse.

People mostly don’t understand us or our behaviour, so rather than seeking to understand, they turn away.

It’s uncomfortable.

We don’t embrace “different” very well as a society.

We’re taught socially that anger is bad- big emotions are bad- that needing others is bad. But that’s the medicine of neurodiversity/Difference in general; interdependence.

We can’t do it without you- and we are often blind without your guidance.

We get into trouble and embarrass ourselves. We know people are upset with us but we don’t understand why?

We can’t figure out what we did or “what it was”... we just know we’re being laughed at, talked about, left behind and rejected once again.

This makes us fearful to be “out” as ourselves. We always screw up and “make mistakes” that upset people.

We’re constantly in trouble.

Then when we try to figure “it” or “whats going on” out.. people won’t tell us.

The most common response is being ghosted... or if we’re lucky we receive a generic and flat reposes at best; “You’re not my kind of person.. we’re just different... your just really intense”.

🙈🤨😕😠🥺. This is sooo challenging!!

“But how”!!??!?!! We ask.

Some of us actually want to learn what it is that upsets you so that we can adapt or modify our behaviour and stop upsetting what upsets our friends or peers. This doesn’t mean change is instant- any change takes time, but at least we’d have a chance. We actually want friends and connection too, and... we actually need a little help here… and a lot of patience.

This is our main impairment.

We just don’t “get” the things you all “get” about social rules the same way.

And we don’t know why we’re being picked on, laughed at, or disliked.

This makes us feel helpless to change things.

This makes our big and beautiful personalities want to disappear.

This is where a little compassion and a little insight on your part would go a-long-way.

The other common direction of these challenges that accompany the neuro-diverse person eventually becomes wanting to die, and many do.

We are seen only for our behaviour and our challenges, which causes people to miss the incredible gifts and abilities that come with it.

I think the neurotypical impairment is not choosing to build the openness to see exactly that.

As a species we are all lost, in our own pain. The reality is often that our pain speaks louder than our love and we are blinded by it.

This is what impairs us to see all the beauty before us and the true potential for our lives, our love and our relationships.

We focus on our own lists of expectations and love and accept according to them.

We don’t make the cut on most lists...

Yet we’re smart! Like... really smart. And we can tell when your being an arrogant ass and when you think we’re dumb.

Truth is, most of us are gifted but we struggle to articulate or present exactly the nature of this brilliance, and those who do/can are the movers and shakers of our world. Look it up 👀

You’ll find many of the top players of the world have Neuro-Diversities!

Every story and persons diversity is unique. Some ecosystems are more or less healthy, some had the right guidance, love and support to master their gift… or they are the RARE exceptions who gripped their way to personal perseverance and found their way. These people are serious heroes. Other stories are not so colourful. We see many of them living on the streets addicted to drugs.

Of course, it’s assured that none of these players rose without a story that would move your heart to sadness.

But that is the power of being diverse. It's a powerful, powerful gift.

We believe we were sent here to change the world.

To move and shake and disturb.

To awaken the human condition.

And to lead us to a better world.

We are alone because we have vision- vision most cannot relate with.

“It’s too big, too much, too out there”....

That’s because it’s the future. And we see it, and feel it.

That’s our sensitive nature.

Our nature is to be disturbed by the present condition.

Our anxiety causes us to move and create the change that is necessary to see not us- but humanity through to the next chapter.

It’s a heavy fucking cross to bear.

The anxiety goes away when we fulfil our purpose. When we accept the god given guidance for our lives and bravely take action in each step as it’s revealed.

I’ve always known I was destined for greatness- and it scares the shit out of me.

There has always been hope mixed with great amounts of confusion and fear.

That goes away the more I trust my given gifts and the guidance I feel. When I trust in the process and trust, I always make it to the other side and things usually work out in a way I can celebrate.

It’s never easy. But we do it. There is no other choice.

So, where does this leave us?

Maybe the next time you notice yourself faced with judgment, try to replace a part of this with curiosity instead.

Inquire, ask questions, clarify your understanding.

Practice communicating your thoughts about information at a very basic level.

Be patient, with us, and yourself.

Connect with your boundaries.

Practice forgiveness.

Allow for imperfection.

Understand you are asking yourself to reach a little further in these virtues so that you can enter into a more loving connection with a beautiful soul before you.

More likely then not, if you haven’t already realized... the first person your meant to do this with is yourself.

I hope that you get the chance to see the undeniable and profound beauty in diversity or simply the profound beauty within yourself.

We are all worth understanding a little more. We are so beautiful. So pure on the inside and I hope you give yourself the chance to benefit from your own greatness.

I promise you it won’t always be easy,

But it’s TOTALLY WORTH IT!

Embracing an inch of discomfort can make all the difference for us.

Tips and Tricks:

When a person with neurodiversity is overly intense.. especially when they are excited about something… and you feel yourself getting turned off, resisting and rejecting the experience.

Stop.

Take a breath.

Ask your courage if this is a moment you could be brave.

Teach them how to enrol you in a way you can receive and respond to.

Tell them what you want.

Which means there is some self awareness growth here for you too.

Now you start to ask yourself…

“What do I want”, “what do I like”, “Why”?

Why is this bothering me? What is it about this that bothers me so much? Can I be specific about it?

People who are diverse force us to look at ourselves.

We don’t always like that.

Building an inclusive world isn’t easy.

The process that the difference forces you into is often the heart of your own growth and self-discovery that is essential for a richer experience of life.

They trigger the parts of you where healing is needed. We are like mirrors to all of the parts of yourself you can’t love or refuse to accept.

In the age where imperfection is a SIN (at least it feels that way), this realization is often dumped back on the different person and punished for their existence.

“I feel bad around this person”…. Translated “I don’t like feeling these things within myself”, Which turns into…. “It’s their fault”. “They are bad”.

“Stay away from the diversity”.

We see all the imperfections and we can’t stand what it makes us feel inside.

Embarrassed. Ashamed. Unwilling to allow this behaviour especially when you can’t accept this in yourself.

In the meantime. Some helpful tips and tricks:

Communicate:

- [ ] Your boundaries.

- [ ] Repeat your boundaries again.

- [ ] I like it when you _______

- [ ] I just asked you to _____ can you please support me in that?

- [ ] I need you to______, it’s important to me.

- [ ] Reassure us.

Eg. “It’s ok, I still like you. You are still my friend/____, ____. I love you.

“I need some NAME (me) space right now.

I need you to respect my bubble and allow me to my own space for now.

“I’ll see you ____ (time).

Oh my god it gets so much easier when you master how to communicate with Diversity!

It’s so refreshing and honest.. you don’t have to hold back how you really feel..

You might even realize you appreciate how you are when you get to speak your mind and enjoy being able to just be you and share what you really think.

Cheers.