I see one major barrier between individuals accessing support for their loved one with suspected ADHD/ADD functions.
I think there's a sense of paralyzing fear that can come up for many parents which is this resistance to diagnosis, to labels and no one wants to have their child labeled or be prejudged or called out as the problem kid, or hyper kid.
Being known for being different seems to be this thing that is so feared. To me It's not about the diagnosis, it's about the understanding.
What diagnosis can do is offer space for you to accept your child.
I may have just thrown a bunch of people for a loop by saying that “excepting your child”
because we're taught not to accept certain types of behavior and when you see behavior that you don't understand that doesn't make sense to you and just doesn't seem logical, it's easy to become frustrated and feel like the only answer is “how do I stop this and change it immediately, this is so not how it's supposed to be, they’re supposed to be XYZ”.
This is a problem because what is happening is you're getting stuck or we're getting stuck on the diagnosis and the fear of difference.
In reality, your child probably knows that they're different and if they're an adult they probably feel that too.
There aren’t really any spoilers here… I think everyone already knows if “so and so” is constantly getting reprimanded by the teacher or scowled and harped at by the parent for forgetting the backpack or not doing what they said they're supposed to do.
That understanding is already present but what's missing is the understanding of these behaviors or challenges.
A diagnosis can help bring closure to what is really going on and be explained to you and in a language hopefully that you can understand and that directs you to resources and support.
Sometimes these diagnoses allow for individualized education plans, which means that your child would get the support that they need to excel.
What happens and we don't get the diagnosis and we keep her head buried in the sand?
Nothing gets better. You and your child do not gain the understanding or ability to advocate clearly what's going on.
It’s likely you're just sitting there feeling like a failure as a parent going
“why can’t I get it together?
Why is it so easy for everyone else to get their kids to do XYZ but for me it's a bloody headache every time!
I'm ready to pull my hair out”!
or why am I getting calls from the school on the regular?
That's the benefit of a diagnosis, it’s an explanation for what you're going through.
When we get an explanation and we understand there's a reason for this, it's a lot easier to get on board with the supports that are needed.
There's action that needs to be taken with the diagnosis and it's not just medication.
No one has to medicate, you don't have to medicate your kid because they have a diagnosis.
Diagnosis does not mean medication.
When I was a teacher, I wanted to know if a child had a diagnosis, not so I could pre-judge them but so that I could prepare for them. I would know immediately to expect to see some odd things in their behavior and to be prepared to be flexible because that is absolutely what is required with many diagnoses.
We need to be flexible and we need to be prepared for whatever needs will show up.
They are likely to be unique which prepares us to be flexible and to be adaptable. It also offers a heads up of strategies that we can use. For example, there is phrasing I wouldn't use with Neurodiverse child like I would with a neurotypical child.
I wouldn’t ask them to do three tasks in a row, I'd start with one.
For example.
“Go get your boots, the yellow boots under your bag, Yep! they're right there, grab your boots, Yep grab your boots, right?
It's repeat repeat repeat, and it's ONE TASK at a time.
If yoU say get your boots and your backpack and go get your lunch this child is going to be spinning or lost somewhere and it's likely going to be frustrating and you're more likely to lose your cool.
It's also more likely for teachers to lose their cool.
When we don't have an explanation for behavior, it's very hard to advocate for our child.
I’m not just referring to the power of advocating just at school or with family members.. but even just for yourself.
Sometimes it can be soothing to understand that it's not your child trying to drive you crazy, their brain is functioning differently and is having a functioning issue.
It can really help a parent or person in that person's life to consider that.. “maybe let's not read into what I see in such a horrible, demonizing way... Instead, let’s call it what it is.
From there you can look at yourself and look at the person and ask ourselves
“what's a realistic action here?
What’s a realistic way to relate?
What can I expect realistically or how do I need to shift in my approach?
Monitoring our own behavior is hard to do for a lot of people.
Dealing with a diagnoses requires us to self regulate and to change the way that we do things.
Change is always easier said than done right?
Having to adjust our expectations is not a piece of cake, it’s not easy.
It does take time and I can see why these steps might feel scary for people.
I can empathize that people don't want to be labeled cause neither do I, no one wants that, it's not nice and the name for ADHD sucks because it doesn't accurately represent the diversity that comes with it and how unique each person symptoms are and how they manifest for each individual person and family life.
I do think it sucks, but regardless of that, it does allow for the doors to open for support and adaptations for clarity and understanding.
I think the worst thing in the world about having ADHD is being misunderstood and being seen as lazy and careless, rude or aggressive.
Being able to speak to that more intelligently is very empowering for everyone and it also offers us a language to train the children or the person with the Neurodiverse functions how to navigate them.
There's awareness that needs to be trained and it takes time, repetition is so key.
You're going to have to repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and I find that one behavior change can sometimes take up to a year for someone with a Neurodiverse brain.
Repetition is key, you might not see results for a while but then all of a sudden one day there's a click on and it switches.
Personal awareness and development is a huge factor for the individuals to be learning about how their brains function, the strengths, the challenges, and things to be aware of.
Those conversations are very important.
A diagnosis is not all about medication, it's not so we can label your child, it’s so that we can make sure you and your child are getting the support that you need.
The truth is you don't need a diagnosis if that's what you're fearful of to get support for your child. I’ll repeat that. You do not need a diagnosis to treat your child's ADHD functions.
Medication is an option and it's a way and you can get that with a diagnosis, they can offer you the medication. You would have the green card of access if that is something you so choose to obtain.
You DO NOT need a diagnosis to work with specialists on how to work with your ADHD brained child.
I think support is the most important thing for the parent, for the family members and for the person who has a neurodiverse brain.
I think one of the most profound solutions is teaching them that this is a big part of you, this is a big part of what you're going to face and how you're going to experience aspects of life.
It’s really important I believe to get on board with that, learn about what's going to happen or what is happening and get clear on how this shows up for you and adapt your lifestyle to support it so that you can be optimized and get the most out of all aspects of life, home, school, work, relationship, career.
it’s imperative that we learn this stuff as soon as possible.
I definitely would recommend that if a diagnosis is something you're afraid of, don't worry about it, no sweat.
Take your time, but don't take your time in accessing support for you and your family and your child.
I think that is absolutely essential because the reality is, I think you already know if your child has ADHD/ADD or is neurodiverse.. if you're suspecting it and you’ve got the stories to share it, you’ve already self-diagnosed and the most important thing about that diagnosis is the understanding and the applications of strategic adaptations to support the functions of your child or yourself.
It’s likely you and others in the family have ADD or ADHD or are neurodiverse, which can come with all kinds of different challenges in itself.
Again, this understanding is going to help probably everyone to learn more about the functions of the brain and get on board with the adaptations that are going to make life easier for everyone and help everyone do better at the end of the day.
